How does one define love? Many believe that love is an element, as real as water and air though it is physically unseen. Love had been talked about and written about since the beginning of time, in every religion, and by every great thinker and philosopher. Put together Romeo and Juliet, or, Samson and Delilah, we will get endless discussion of love. It is truly inspiring to hear such wonderful tales, but at the same time, I was saddened, knowing the fact that my life is not as colorful as they were. Call it envy. I wouldn’t mind. Because the fact is I am.

The sounds awake me. Like a spear it comes, prickling to my soul. ‘Here we go again’. I said to myself.  This thick bricks is not ample in hiding anything, except the hideous sight of their nerves that seemed to outburst from the neck. The screaming and cursing seeps through the walls but I ignored it. I wished I can make them stop.  I know for sure throwing tantrum will no longer working. Often I heard voices in my head; self-destructing voices, told me to do all these unimaginable painful things.  Sometimes I feel like a one man army, trying to fight the shadow in my own head. Amazing how a troubled mind can trick us into doing something for the sake of attention.

Thursday is a tiring day, different from Friday. On Friday, all my classes seem to be breeze because it is the end of the week and weekend is just around the corner. Friday prayer makes it easier. We can leave school earlier than we usually do. I pray for this day to pass and weekend to come by faster. It is my special weekend, so I hope something special will happen. I pray hard. Big red marks on my calendar. I put it on the fridge intentionally as a reminder for the whole house to see. Some sort of admonition for them not to forget. If their daughter’s   birthday is not important, then what is?

Looking at the clock, its 7.30 am. I cannot believe my parents are working on my special weekend. Credulous of me to actually believed we could celebrate together like a real family when it is impossible for them to be in the same room. Remembering last night conversation makes me seethed with anger causing my chest to start waving turbulence.  With long, deep breath and a whole lot of foolish bravery, I rushed downstairs, thumping my way to the kitchen; where they are having their first meal of the day without acknowledging each other presence. “Why can’t both you act like other responsible parents? It is my birthday for god sake. At least pretend like you care”. I cried with all my heart. I was already sobbing half way through the sentence. I can no longer talk; like I am having a panic attack. They both were shocked. I knew it from their face reaction.